Recovery is a frustrating and often disheartening expedition. The goal is known and believed to be attainable, but the timescale is long and highly variable. Some days the achievements are obvious, champagne-celebrating events, such as the first walk around the block, the first shower unaided or the first time my clothes were self-applied. From this viewpoint I am a thriving woman, constantly improving, constantly progressing and constantly having cause to celebrate. Unfortunately, I am disgracefully impatient and although able to recognise these acts as stepping-stones towards my dream, I am horrendously, mind-numbingly and irritatingly bored. An estimated three to six months is a dreadfully long time for one’s whole purpose, one’s whole existence, one’s whole life to be focussed on “getting better”. I would love my actions to be according to Immanuel Kant’s words,
“So act that your principle of action might safely be made a law for the whole world.”
The principle of action behind my daily routine of exercise, food and then rest repeated three times could safely be made law. It does not offend, does not require money, and is considered most healthy by medical professionals. My sole intentions have been physical progress and this would form a most uninteresting decree, neither ameliorating nor damaging the world. My ravenous requirements have recently recovered, I now long and desire for more than the right of return of my legs. I need new ambitions and projects that are achievable in the interim between ill health and health, mental as well as physical stimulation. The recovery of my former life is the new hurdle.
Patience, dear Sophie.You are a young girl and have time to fully recover and continue where you left off.Please forgive me when I say that this makes you a lucky as well as a beautiful person."Lucky," you say, well I always look at life in a comparative way.I consider myself a millionaire. But I live in a small apartment with a pension income that in real terms is worth about 30% less than it did a year ago.This is through the pound sterling dropping in value against the Israeli shekel.Then why am I a millionaire. In comparison to my childhhod standard of living, I AM just that - a millionaire, despite the money market conspiring against me.I have enough to see me out [I am 85].I have a loving wife with whom next year I will be celebrating our diamond wedding anniversary.I am in reasonable health for my age thanks to the great health service that we have in Israel and the close attention of the cardiological department.My mind is kept active with a teaching of English programme which is both satisfying and income supplementing.Mindful as I am of humble, deprived beginnings, I am able to give something back to 250 traumatised kids from broken homes, who live in the Karmiel Children's village, by presiding over the organisation that raises money to make the difference between existing and living. By bridging the gap between the government budget and the annual sum required to make the difference. I will never again be able to say that I am the second best senior tennis player in the locaL area.[I could never beat the best player ! ] I will never again be able to play golf to 9 handicap, or to any handicap come to that.But I will always have my memories and will to the end consider myself a millionaire !
ReplyDeleteSo where does all this rambling make you a lucky youg lady. Youth, my der friend. With God's will and your fortitude, you will be able to fulfil your desires for more than the reurn of your legs.The new hurdle of the recovery of your former life will be no obstacle for you to leap over. You have a long way to go before you will be able to say, as I do now that the past is just that, the past which can no longer be reproduced.Your past is gone and now for your future which wil no doubt be satisfying and successful And that is why in comparison, you are a lucky young lady.
with love
Jack White
Sophie, firstly don't ever limit your ambitions to the recovery of your former life: you must surely have so much more on offer to you thanks to your remarkable writing and the audience that it is reaching, and secondly, you underestimate your principal of action (grossly underestimate). It appears to an outsider to be the ruthlessly successful, fiercely independent conquering of SELF - as Terry Pratchett writes, "power is a bauble any thug can acquire, control is the real prize and all control starts with the self". Why, you ask, would I describe you as having control, when it is the very thing you must feel most denuded of? Because you so manifestly do have control of the things that make you you, the parts that cannot be x-rayed, incised, eviscerated, removed, reduced. You have control of your you-ness and every agonisingly slow day with its small triumphs and great leaps is just another day when you conquer anew.
ReplyDeleteKeep fighting, keep writing, keep being.