It is the eve before I depart the world that I have fashioned for myself and relocate to a hospital bed. For the past two and a half months I have, in effect, been designing my ideal surroundings, choosing the parts of the outside world that I consider beautiful, humorous, interesting, spiritual or indubitably necessary. These judgements have even extended to selecting the people who could enter my haven. Each day would replay itself with only slight variations in the dramatis personae, and it was these variations that carried the ability to disport me away from the trepidations that lingered within.
How can one decide which are the core elements of their world that hold all the other pieces together? It is these items that I must pack for my voyage. These are the components that will prevent me from collapsing and letting the nightmares take over. These are the molecules I will so desperately require and yet I offer no solutions as to what those molecules are. I am at a loss as to what to pack emotionally. I need only remain strong for two more days and then all the fears regarding surgery will dissipate. Thenceforth it will be a challenge that awaits, a competition each day to exceed the achievements of the previous day, the quest I have long been awaiting.