I am beset by overwhelming tendencies to pursue detrimental pastimes. I keep succumbing to these terrible temptations. The temptations I refer to are activities I instinctively perform in the complete knowledge that they will cause me distress, melancholy and often tears, with no obvious positive outcomes. Listening to horrifically depressing music such as Bon Iver and some Leonard Cohen, obsessively researching and analysing the risks of a surgery I have no choice but to undergo and facebook stalking photos of friends from parties and events I am unable to attend are but a few of these puerile actions. I always blame my enslavement to examining my surgery in excruciating detail on “scientific curiosity”, but this may just be a way to excuse a morbid fascination.
Why do people succumb to detrimental temptations? Why can I not simply stare at beautiful flowers, listen to joyful music, eat solely healthy food, always say helpful and kind words to those around me, consistently give 100% in all my endeavours, continuously be thankful for all by blessings etc. etc. Well, wouldn’t I then be the most dreadfully dull person? Perhaps it is one’s fallibilities that make them unique and interesting, or perhaps, that is simply what one exclaims to excuse them.