I am beset by overwhelming tendencies to pursue detrimental pastimes. I keep succumbing to these terrible temptations. The temptations I refer to are activities I instinctively perform in the complete knowledge that they will cause me distress, melancholy and often tears, with no obvious positive outcomes. Listening to horrifically depressing music such as Bon Iver and some Leonard Cohen, obsessively researching and analysing the risks of a surgery I have no choice but to undergo and facebook stalking photos of friends from parties and events I am unable to attend are but a few of these puerile actions. I always blame my enslavement to examining my surgery in excruciating detail on “scientific curiosity”, but this may just be a way to excuse a morbid fascination.
Why do people succumb to detrimental temptations? Why can I not simply stare at beautiful flowers, listen to joyful music, eat solely healthy food, always say helpful and kind words to those around me, consistently give 100% in all my endeavours, continuously be thankful for all by blessings etc. etc. Well, wouldn’t I then be the most dreadfully dull person? Perhaps it is one’s fallibilities that make them unique and interesting, or perhaps, that is simply what one exclaims to excuse them.
I am the exact same way. It might be because we are sick and depressed. My worst is looking at the FB page of my ex-best friend. I almost want to kill myself every time I do, her life appears to be so wonderful and mine is the polar opposite
ReplyDeleteYou write beautifully, btw!
I sometimes like to think I would not have had the time or the energy to see and to seek out further the things which happen in life outside of the mainstream media diet and the daily grind had this situation not been forced onto me.
ReplyDeleteI would have been striving to outdo my peers, work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep, party yay...work
I almost certainly wouldn't have been reading your words.
It's taken a while to become the optimist though.
if it makes you feel any better, I went through a period of approximately six months during which I obsessively watched videos/read about disasters, both natural and artificial, such as plane crashes, spaceship explosions, train destructions etc. My mother, the psychoanalyst, claims there's nothing to worry about, it's just an indication of a creative, imaginative mind... Hm..
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