If optimism is the sum of all these infinite areas, then I can truthfully say I am optimistic. Although I may not be hopeful about the possibility of future skiing holidays or confident that I can achieve my dream of being published in a scientific journal by the end of the year, I am certainly confident about my family and friends. I know that they will continue to be shoulders to lean on and sources of happiness in my life. I am also absolutely hopeful that I will improve physically. This is, in part, due to my complete trust in two brilliant surgeons, who are, at present, carefully disputing the pros and cons of several different surgical options.
However, if asked before I go to bed “do you believe that tomorrow will be a better day?” the honest answer is unfortunately negative, as of that, I am not optimistic. I am a realist, and as there have been no physical indicators of improvement in the last six weeks, I feel it would be an insult to my rational mind to expect miracles. Tomorrow is physically likely to be similar to today. Yet, there is a further reason that I am not hopeful, confident or expectant of tomorrow exceeding today. Today has not solely been about exploring surgical procedures, about pain management or about immobility. Today has included a little too much retail therapy, a newfound love of online scrabble, reacquainting with old friends through email and an ecstatic visit from four fabulous friends. Although my days, at present, are by no means as I would have wished, there are pockets of magnificence within each of them, which any day would struggle to compete with.