Saturday, 4 December 2010

Day 38 of bed, bed and bed...

From the title of my first ever post on my first ever blog, one might be tempted to assume that I, like many 20 year old girls, am simply at university, reading a course advising 10 hours of contact time and on average attending a small fraction of them. However, "bed, bed and bed", rather than a luxury is for the 38th day a necessity. The intricate details of the tear in my annulus fibrosus of my L5/S1 intervertebral disc are tiresome. Yet, the practicalities of constant pain are something I have to face every minute of every day. From day 1 to 14, my walk can most closely be described as a waddling duck that then metamorphosed into "the SIMIAN posture", in other words a monkey. Now, after two procedures and intensive rehabilitation physiotherapy, I am now at the proud stage where I can honestly say I look like I am the Pink Panther attempting to rob a bank.

Leaving university for the rest of the academic year, spending the majority of all my days in bed (apart from exciting visits to hospital or physiotherapy) and at present seeing no present visible physical improvement has, as horribly cliche as it is, made me think. I am not a patient patient. I am a person with immense expectations of themself, probably unrealistically high. I am a person who normally deals with life's difficulties by remaining exceptionally busy and continuously having projects and targets and ambitions. At present, these goals and expectations have had to be put on hold. The question that I have been postulating for the last few days and that I am struggling regards strength. What is inner strength and how can one develop it?

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