The human body never ceases to completely astound and fascinate me. It is utterly bewildering how one can be entirely absorbed with anxiety and distress, and unable to locate any form of escape from an all consuming pit of worry, and then, for comprehensively mysterious reasons, awaken, a day later, with the capacity to contend with exact same challenges that were beforehand seemingly impossible. I struggle with the concern that others, as hard as they may try, cannot identify with what I am going through and do not understand how I feel. I am now beginning to realise how ridiculous it is to even hope or expect others to understand my emotional rollercoaster, when I myself find it flabbergasting and perplexing.
My latest postulation is that, to an extent, every individual is bipolar. Bipolar disorder is a category of mood disorders defined by episodes of abnormally elevated mood (mania) and often associated with depressive episodes. I am by no means insinuating that I experience periods of mania and then periods od manic depression, just simply that mood swings are normal hominid characteristics. My frame of mind has such drastic implications on how manage the pain I am in and how I psychologically cope with my immobility. I would love to strive to discover the tools to remain continuously in my elevated mindset. However, I do now believe that every person is, to an extent, bipolar, and that the exploration to find the tools, formerly described, is a journey analogous to searching for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I do not conclude that the passage is pointless, rather that the quest is an important, but endless one.